Feeling Stupid (and why you shouldn’t date boys in bands)

I mentioned before that I hate feeling stupid. Two times in my life have left me feeling completely and utterly foolish.

The first time was when he came back from tour. We had just reunited at a friend’s BBQ and naturally I was standing next to him. While he was out of town, Chris Benoit had died. (Chris Benoit was a professional wrestler I liked when I went through a phase in which I watched wrestling.)

“Did you hear what happened to Chris Benoit?” I asked him excitedly.

“Yeah, yeah that’s crazy,” he replied. He sounded uninterested. I figured that I misinterpreted his tone, so I continued.

“Man, I used to love him. The diving head butt into the crippler cross face was the best finishing move. And how his woman’s name was Woman-”

He cut me off. “Okay, you don’t have to prove it,” he said coldly.

I thought I was just having a conversation. “Oh,” I said. My voice sounded wounded. “No, I just really liked him.”

He turned and started talking to someone else. I walked away and smoked a cigarette.

The next time was a month before I stopped seeing him. We were at a bar, and he had started a conversation seemingly to remind me that we were not actually together, even though we had been together for seven months.

“But, I mean, you invited me to the beach with you and your mom,” I said. I was so confused; I thought everything was fine.

He laughed. “Awww,” he said. It sounded so patronizing, and he looked like he felt bad for me. “Oh, you thought that was like a meet-the-parents thing? I was just trying to get fun people to go.”

I bit my bottom lip to keep it from trembling. “Oh, yeah, okay.  Of course. I have to go to the bathroom,” was all I could say. I went to the restroom and stood in line for a few minutes, then I went back to the table. I ended up walking home alone crying that night.

They were both in bands. As much as I like their music, I can’t listen to it now. (Why you shouldn’t date boys in bands: the songs get stuck in your head.) Their music is still on my iPod. The masochist in me cannot delete them, and some part of me hopes that I can listen to them again one day.

Additionally, they both have new girlfriends with which to form fresh memories. It’s hard for me to shake the scenes I have noted above, and also difficult to dismiss the wonderful times we had together. I tend to speculate without distraction, and often I wonder if they feel the same.

4 Responses to “Feeling Stupid (and why you shouldn’t date boys in bands)”

  1. Rona Says:

    this is why god made mitchell and girlfriends and music and drinking and dancing. i love you!!!!!!!

  2. Tova Says:

    dancing ’til you’re dead > feeling stupid. word.

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