The Three Types of Girls & Another Electronic Music Composition

“To a guy, there are three types of girls upon first impression,” Ken offered. “Beautiful, hot, and cute. And they’re all damned.”

I invited him to explain his theory further.

First, there is the beautiful girl. Most men see her as untouchable. For this reason, she usually ends up with the wrong guy. She may be the most unfortunate of the categories.

Next is the hot girl. She emits sexuality, even if that is not her intent. This girl is often viewed as a one night stand.

Finally, there is the cute girl. She is most likely to get married and easy to bring home to the folks.

In addition to these classifications, there are subcategories. In other words, a girl can bridge between the types. For example, a hot girl can also be cute based on her personality. Also, subcategories may be affected if a girl is unattractive in high school but later develops.

“So what am I?” I asked Ken.

“You’re a hot girl bridging over to cute,” he told me.

“Great,” I said, somewhat disappointed. “My dad was right. All boys want from me is sex. What if I stop wearing fishnets? Will that help?”

“No,” he replied. “It’s your body type. It’s the way you carry yourself. You exude sex. Just remember, if you like a boy, don’t sleep with him right away. Give him a chance to see the cute girl in you first.”

After this lesson in ladies, we went to my apartment and ate grilled cheese while watching Tales From the Crypt. I told Ken that I needed a sentence for my electronic music class. Our next assignment was to record a vocal track, and then cut it up and make a beat. We could use effects, but no other sounds.

“You should say rocket ships and wizards with guns,” he suggested.

So I did. The composition is below.

Rocket Ships and Wizards With Guns

If that link doesn’t work, try this one.

Or maybe this player:

Or maybe this player:

(Obviously I am having issues with technology right about now. Please let me know if none of these links/players are working for you.)

17 Responses to “The Three Types of Girls & Another Electronic Music Composition”

  1. Adam Says:

    I tried to listen to your song. I do not have your approval to listen to it, according to your blog.
    As for cunts and douches, beauties cuties and hotties, those are buzzwords.
    And you know it. The former two are wrothy of being buzzwords, and maybe ‘hotties’ too because even a trud can ellicit an erection if you paint a picture of a hot chick on the side of it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that doesn’t ever change unless the beholder is a tool, which certainly many beholders are. They can be suggested to and influenced even at their most alert, and really they need a good sock in the jaw by the causal or some other mystic, auspicious source appropriate for their level of evolution.

    But girls. Ah poor doomed girls. I think that all three of your fellow Ken’s classification usually end up with the wrong guy. HOt ones do it on purpose because whether they know it or not they don’t want a partner, they want what they want which changes from moment to moment, as they are female after all.
    Cute ones are preyed upon — by ‘hot’ males who are willing to sink as low as they can to fornicate with something they see as a challenge. Most of them hotboys though, well they have issues, demons that infect the cute girls and turn them hot too. Boo hoo hoo for them. ‘Beautiful’ girls which translates to me as ‘unapproachable’ girls (because beauty is…right) get to pick whatever guy they want, but seeing as how they’re female and human, and really really don’t know exactly what they want, they, (like Swiss clocks!), choose the wrong guy for one reason or another. Becasue they can, or because they are in the know and want to experiment, or becasue they’re dumb, dumb, dumb. Mostly a mix of two of those elements! Or three. Or they’re evil cunts and want to turn others into emotional pudding like they themselves have been — a different variation on the ‘hot’ people I was talking about! Only they do this on a whole other level — an upper chakra level (the blue ones — the ones associated with the ego and such, not the lower ones, associated with sex and desire) manipulation game.

    I personally look for the lady who has mastered all three qualities and all the other ones too. Why waste time?

  2. Ashleigh Says:

    Maybe you can listen now that I approved this comment? Weird though, because other people have listened… Try again dammit!

    Also. As a girl, I must say: I absolutely do not know what I want. I want someone to chase me and I want to chase someone and I want it to be exciting and amazing and… I have seen too many movies. This stuff never works out. That’s why I’m going to move to the Midwest, work at a grocery store, meet a nice boy who will knock me up and marry me, and watch prime time TV for the rest of my life.

  3. Teejay Says:

    I get an “access denied” message too.

  4. Ashleigh Says:

    I just updated my WordPress… Maybe that helped?

  5. Teejay Says:

    Still nope!

    The actual message says:
    Access Denied!
    This file is not available because
    you are either not logged-in or
    do not have the owner’s permission
    to view it.

  6. Ashleigh Says:

    Fucking technology. Can you play it now with the little player thingie I put on there?

  7. Teejay Says:

    I can’t see the player :’3

  8. Teejay Says:

    I keep trying to write a response, but it keeps getting too long and goofy.. maybe I’ll do a chart or something.

  9. Teejay Says:

    Ok, I can see the player now.

  10. Teejay Says:

    but it’s not playing :/

    That’s a lot of comments. I’m done for a while.

  11. Ashleigh Says:

    I hate technology. I’m going to jump out of my window now. Unfortunately, I’m o the first floor. Let me know if it ever works.

  12. Teejay Says:


    Thank you for your time and frustration.

  13. Ashleigh Says:

    Ahhh! It’s all worth it if it works. This is how we learn… learn to be smarter than the computers. Does everything work now, or just one certain link/player?
    I shall celebrate with booze.

  14. Ashleigh Says:

    Oh – and thank you. Sorry all that was for 1:04 of nothing too spectacular. But my class seemed to like it alright…

  15. Adam Says:

    It was pretty cool. It was kind of, kinky, you know? You could use this as a sample in the future. I want to upload guitar tracks. Help me do it. If you can.

  16. Katy Jayne Says:

    Hahaha Ken and I had that conversation the night of your birthday BBQ. According to him, I fit neatly in the “cute” category.

    I’m at work, but I’ll listen to the thingie later. See ya around the hood this weekend I’m sure!

  17. Ashleigh Says:

    Adam, do you have Garageband? If so, you can just download the mp3, drag it into Garageband, then create a new track for guitar… I think…

    And Katy Jayne! Free Brooklyn Beer at the Duck tomorrow evening. If the swine flu doesn’t get me, I’m there. Hope to see your pretty face.

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