“Caught you in a lie…” (& why social networking sites are bad when you’re dating someone)
We had been seeing each other for five months when I caught him in a lie.
He had band practice at 7 p.m. Our tentative plans were to watch a movie afterward. He said he would call me when they were done with practice.
Just before midnight he texted me and said that they were finished. I found it unusual that they played so late. Their practice space was in an apartment building and usually they finished around 10:30, but I wasn’t too concerned. He asked me what I was doing, and I told him that I was watching The Colbert Report.
His next reply came 40 minutes later. He asked if I was sleeping and I said no. We decided to watch a movie, and he said he’d be at my apartment in 20 minutes.
Forty minutes later, he arrived. I gave him a gift that I had bought for him that afternoon. It was a Matchbox van. I painted it black and told him it was a tour van for his band. We watched Susperia and went to bed some time after 3 a.m. I had work the next morning, and although I had given him keys to my apartment, he didn’t bring them. I wanted to let him stay in bed and sleep, but when exiting our front door, if no one is left to lock it from within, one can only lock it using keys from the outside. Luckily, Jayme had a friend visiting from out of town who could handle this task. So I let him remain slumbering, certain the door would get locked by Jayme’s friend.
I got ready with little sound, but my movements woke him slightly. As I was saying goodbye, I couldn’t help but notice a large stamp from Trash Bar on his hand.
“Been to Trash Bar recently?” I said without worry.
He became more alert. “What?” he asked.
“That’s just a mighty big stamp,” I replied, pointing at his hand.
“Oh, yeah,” he mumbled. He closed his eyes. I kissed him and told him to have a good day.
While rounding the corner on the way to the train, confusion suddenly entered my mind. He had band practice last night, and he worked the two nights before that… And we were together the night before that… And that stamp looked fresh…
I remembered leaving a comment on his Facebook page the previous week and noticing that he RSVPed to an assortment of events, one at Trash Bar. It stood out to me because I like Trash Bar. (They have free tater tots. Who doesn’t love free tater tots?) Often people RSVP to Facebook events with no intention of going, but given the circumstances I felt I had to know if the one he RSVPed to was on that particular night.
When I got to work, I checked. Sure enough, it was. (Why social networking sites are bad when you’re dating someone: too much information that’s too easily accessible.) I don’t think there are words to describe how I felt. Why didn’t he just text me after practice and tell me that he was going to a show? It obviously wouldn’t have been a problem… Did he even have practice?…
It may sound strange, but I’m more upset with myself. He misled me, and I offered no protest. I never even mentioned it to him, and we continued seeing each other for another four months. My already present trust issues were intensified, and my need to avoid confrontation shamed me.
Not long after we began dating, I knew that it wasn’t going to last. Maybe my belief in that played a part in my reaction (or lack thereof). Perhaps this presumption always influenced how I acted towards him.
Still I held on because I felt like something special was lurking between us. I thought there was amazing potential in the way we felt about each other. So I became meek and timid, and in the end I lost confidence in myself and in the possibility of love.
I don’t hold this lie, or more accurately, this hidden truth against him. And as I have said, this blog is never meant to be an outlet for accusations. The intention of my writing is most often to purge from my mind the thoughts that plague me. In this case, he either had a reason for not being open with me about his plans, or he just didn’t have enough regard for me to be honest about something so trivial. I’d be hard pressed to find a person who has not wronged someone that they care for.
My issue is that I let it happen. I don’t even know who I was back then.