Keep My Words

The Space Shuttle Solid Rocket Boosters (SRBs) are the pair of large rockets used by space shuttles during the first two minutes of powered flight. Together they provide about 83% of liftoff thrust for the shuttles.

SRBs are equipped with self-destruct mechanisms. This is to protect people on the ground in case the rockets become out of control. A Range Safety Officer (RSO) monitors the performance of rockets in flight, and is responsible for their distant destruction if it is decided that the rockets pose a hazard. He/she can simply press a button on a remote device and the potential danger is erased.

I mentioned that I have been feeling self-destructive lately. This is not to be misunderstood with a desire to harm oneself. Self-destructive behavior is often used as a coping strategy. A coping strategy is a behavioral tool which can be used to neutralize or overcome a disability without correcting or eliminating the underlying condition.

Not long after I began this blog, an old friend diagnosed my disability. I was thinking about it yesterday. “Someone once told me I was emotionally retarded,” I said to Elliot. “I think they were right.”

With self-destructive behavior, people knowingly do things that will cause them to fail or bring them trouble.  Due to my current lifestyle, I sometimes feel at risk of failure, and it seems that trouble is on my heels. There have been many late-nights of drinking recently, and a few mild outbursts when my emotions get aggravated or confused by what they see or hear. These drunken episodes make me think of the SRBs, out of control.

I don’t want to hurt the people on the ground. I need a Range Safety Officer to monitor me these days. Someone to know when to shut me up; someone to know when to press the button.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 24th, 2010 at 5:09 pm and is filed under Words. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.