Playing Pool (The Definition of Insane)

I missed.

It was a tough shot for me – a bank shot.  The cue ball repositioned itself, and our opponents took their turn.  They missed too, and the cue ball rolled to the same position it was in on the shot I had just missed.  We were playing doubles, and it was time for Elliot to take his shot.  None of our balls had been disturbed.

“Try that shot that I missed,” I suggested to him.

“That’s insane,” he said.  “Isn’t that the definition of insane?  When you do the same thing over and over again and expect a different outcome?”

Because of ongoing attempts to ascertain the level of sanity present in my personal decision making, I immediately considered Elliot’s statement in connection to my life.  After mulling it over for a few days, I decided to look to for an accurate definition of insane.

insane – (adjective) not sane; not of sound mind; mentally deranged.  utterly senseless.

Not sane.

sane – (adjective) free from mental derangement; having a sound, healthy mind.  having or showing reason, sound judgment, or good sense.

Whether or not good sense played a part in me recommending that pool shot to Elliot is debatable.  I’m not the best pool player, but I am confident that there was no other shot on the table, so that may illustrate sound judgment.

Rather I am curious if good sense plays a part in the choices I make that I know will have a direct effect on my heart.  These matters tend to be a bit more complicated than billiards.  Considering the constant changes within my own self in addition to the evolution of people I hold dear (not to mention those people’s undeniable differences in relation to each other), I can never really try for the same shot.

But does this truth do anything to confirm my sanity (or lack thereof)?  I suppose not.

The pool game was on Monday evening, and on Wednesday the wheels were still turning in my head.  I had a lot to drink, as was evident in the final moments of the night.  Around 3 a.m., I drunk-texted Rona.

“I can’t tell if I’m crazy or right,” I told her.

In her reply the next day, she made one thing clear.  “No apologies,” she responded.

Still I can’t help but think that every word I say moves the balls and slants the table, even slightly.  And I always wonder what I’ll do when it’s my turn again.

One Response to “Playing Pool (The Definition of Insane)”

  1. Moms Know Best (“I found the secret to life: I’m okay when everything is not okay.” Reprise) | Keep My Words Says:

    [...] just that when you write about it, you seem… disturbed,” she [...]

Leave a Reply