Things That Were Said (Vol. 4)
“How ’bout you come home with your own fucking panties on, aye?”
“It doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t matter that it doesn’t matter.”
“If I was going on a date with Miss America I might have my balls waxed.”
“I don’t have any healthy relationship reference.”
“Sometimes I think you kiss me back because you’re just too nice to not kiss me.”
“Rivaling labia. Rwar.”
“I think I’m going to open a strip club and call it No Expectations.”
“I want to be a stripper and carry the no-tip gong.”
“Low quality hip-hop is like mother’s milk.”
“I pooped an Applebee.”
“I hope [she] doesn’t get drunk and go home with [him] because that would be like giving a puppy a treat when it poops on your floor.”
“Monuments never change.”
“I hope I’m fucking a goat.”
“You rocketed me right up there.”
“Try and fist me. I’ll probably fucking flinch.”
“If I like beat boxing, does that mean I’m a lesbian?”
“I can’t stop thinking about that pee that I took.”
“Eric Clapton’s son fell out of a window? What an idiot.”
“I just don’t want to navigate all those folds of skin.”
“That’s good camel toe.”
“I feel like slobbery people are slobbery.”
“Be a good friend and graze it. Smell my armpit.”
“Are you guys playing a game or something?”
“No, we’re looking at Jesus’s twitter.”
“You need to stop banging yourself with a wroughty piece of wood that will give you slivers in your vagina. And by wroughty piece of wood, I mean men that are emotionally unavailable.”