“In this room: a door to the open road…” (& Full House, Season 5: Episode 3)

Late one evening (/early one morning), I was sitting on my toilet, relieving myself of hours of Jameson and tequila consumption with the space heater on high and the usual mix of complete contentment and utter depression, when an idea came to me:

Maybe I can just stay in my bathroom.  Forever.

I sat there longer than my bladder required and rationalized this self-confinement.

As I mentioned, there is a space heater.  Its gentle hum somehow brings me comfort, and in the cooler months it creates an environment quite warmer than the rest of the apartment.  There is a small window above the bathtub that I can open for fresh air.

Additionally, there is running water, and Jayme can pass me food from time to time.  The four robes hanging on the back of the door provide different levels of coverage for a multi-seasonal wardrobe.

Also, now that the mold has been painted over, I find the pentagonal-shaped ceiling aesthetically pleasing.  That said, the corners of the floor are a bit dirty, but this is a project I can work on over time.

I am somewhat hesitant to allow a cell phone or laptop in my new abode, as my relocation is partially to limit my contact with other humans.  I do enjoy writing, so I could do this longhand like I used to in my old journals.

Recently I communicated this plan to some friends outside of the duck, and either Lauren, Becky, or Krystel responded, “Like Stephanie Tanner on Full House?!”

Full House, Season 5: Episode 3

DJ is absolutely fed up with Stephanie, so DJ petitions the guys to let her have her own bedroom. She mentions some good points, like her being in high school, and Stephanie and Michelle being perfect for each other because they are both in elementary school. The presentation DJ put together was called “Two Different Worlds”. The guys talk it over, and they decide to let DJ have her own bedroom. The new arrangement is that DJ and Michelle will switch rooms, and as a result, Michelle will be Stephanie’s new roommate. But Michelle creates a problem when she expresses that she doesn’t want to be Stephanie’s roommate either, making Stephanie believe that no one wants to live with her.  So, Stephanie moves into the bathroom, which the family does not appreciate. For DJ, this puts the prospect of having her own room in jeopardy, until she helps Stephanie accept the change, and they help Michelle accept the fact that she’ll be Stephanie’s new roommate.

Obviously I have left my bathroom since the night this plan was conceived, and I understand how absolutely unrealistic (and unenjoyable for Jayme) my never leaving our lavatory would be.

I just keep finding myself on the edge of something.  If I don’t disconnect myself, I might fall.  I guess I should just stop being afraid of where I’ll land.

3 Responses to ““In this room: a door to the open road…” (& Full House, Season 5: Episode 3)”

  1. Kathryn Says:

    I submit that the title to this entry be changed to “An Abode with a Commode”.

  2. Justin Tiemeyer Says:

    Let’s not forget that this is an episode to Full House Season 1, Episode 1 where DJ doesn’t want to share a room with Stephanie so she moves into the garage. I know that doesn’t have anything to do with toilets, but I like to, as a Full House historian, point these things out.

  3. Messes (Writer’s Block) | Keep My Words Says:

    [...] road was closed for a half-hour as bystanders watched in disgust while a 15-man crew cleaned up the [...]

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