Keep My Words

Dave and I decided that we want to have a Viking Funeral for the majority of our possessions.  Obviously this would be done on a much smaller scale than traditional Norsemen rituals, specifically without human sacrifice or grave offerings.  To be sure we would do justice to the Norsemen’s grandiose burials while lessening the dangerous and costly requirements, I did some research.

The most detailed account of a Viking funeral came from an Arab Muslim writer named Ahmad ibn Fadlan.  Around the year 920, ibn Fadlan was employed by the Islamic government when he was accused of an unlawful love affair that would ruin his reputation and career.  To escape the situation, he agreed to leave town on a mission to open diplomacy with another group of people called the Bulgars.  On the way to meet with the Bulgars, he fell in with a group of Viking outlaws.

During his time with the Northmen, he heard that one of their leaders had died.  Ibn Fadlan had been told that when chiefs die, the Vikings “consume them with fire”.  Per his request he was allowed to witness this ceremony.

First, the dead man was put in a temporary grave while new clothes were made for him.  Using some of his belongings, a strong, intoxicating drink was purchased for one of the slave girls who had volunteered herself to be burned with her master.  The girl was then guarded day and night as she cheerfully drank and sang songs.  Meanwhile, a bed on a ship was prepared for the dead man.

The body was exhumed ten days later and dressed in the new clothes.  On the commander’s death bed he received grave offerings, including animal sacrifices.  At the same time, the drunken slave girl went to each tent and had sexual intercourse with all of the men.  Every man told her to tell her dead master that they did this out of love.

Afterwards, they took the girl to a sort of door frame and lifted her three times above it.  The Vikings thought that the intoxicating drinks made the girl psychic, and when lifting her above the door frame she was expected to see into the realm of the dead.  Each time she was lifted, she told them what she saw.  She claimed to see her master in the afterworld beckoning her; she said it was so very beautiful there.

Next, the girl was taken to the ship and given more drinks.  She sang songs again and said goodbye to her friends, and then she was taken into a tent.  Inside the tent, men beat on shields to muffle her screaming.  Ibn Fadlan noted that this was because if the other girls heard the cries, it might “deter them from seeking death with their masters in the future”.  Six men entered the tent and had sex with the girl, after which she was laid on her master’s bed.  Men held her by her wrists and feet as an old woman in charge of the ritual tied a rope around the slave girl’s neck.  Two men pulled on the ends of the rope while the old woman stabbed the girl between her ribs with a knife until she died.

Finally, the relatives of the chief arrived with torches and set the ship on fire.

Sometimes I feel like a slave to my possessions, though if Dave and I have our Viking funeral I do not wish to volunteer myself for death with these objects.  My personal belongings have no real purpose in my life.  My vitality is independent of them, and my duration does not rely on them.

So, maybe Dave and I will get a kiddie pool and some matches.  Although much like the Viking slave girl, I do plan to drink heavily for the occasion.